Happy holidays

Edmee

Coaching is a profession, just like medicine, architecture or anthropology. Would you
hire an architect who woke up one morning and decided to start building houses?  One who has not been educated as an architect? It is important that the architect knows about building structures, foundations, materials and uses of buildings. This knowledge is important if you do not want your building to collapse.

With coaching it works the same way. A coach needs to understand the coaching fundaments, when and how to use coaching models, trust  his/her intuition and know who they can or cannot coach. Coaches should have a clear set of norms and values, abide by a code of ethics and master core competencies.

You would not hire a plumber who was not qualified. The same goes for when you hire a coach. So ask about credentials, and what does he/she does for continuing education.

Tip 1:

During the initial meeting with a coach not only ask questions regarding his or her
credentials and beliefs but also ask questions about the real person behind the
coach. About who they are.

Tip 2:

Find out how the coach will support you during the difficult moments and how will
you be empowered to grow.

Tip 3:

Remember coaching is about trust, openness, inner wisdom and empathy. There must be a
kind of click between you. Make sure you talk about confidentiality, too. If
someone else is paying for your sessions (your boss) make sure you discuss how
and what is going to be shared with third parties

Tip 4:

Last but not least, talk about agreements: financial and coaching agreements. Usually, professional coaches have their own
contract, make sure you agree with it and add your own wishes if you have them.

Contract and Agreements

I will not spend too much time discussing contracts and agreements but I feel it important to share some information on the subject should you ever hire a coach.

Most professional coaches will have a standard contract, where they include information about coaching protocol, setting agendas, cancellations, payment agreements and so on. Some coaches will include the agreed coaching question in the contract; others will make two different  agreements; one for the coaching question and one for the rules. Make sure you read the contract and ask the coach to add your wishes too. Most contracts are to protect the coach but the client also has rights and responsibilities.

I like to differentiate between the contract, the working protocol and the coaching question agreement. I keep them separate because coaching is an ongoing process and the coaching question might change or have to be refined along the way. By having the two separate you add
flexibility to the process. Another reason for keeping them separate arises when the coaching programme is paid for by a third party. In these cases things should be kept as confidential as possible and the coaching question is something that should only involve the coachee and the coach.

Something about the author

When you ask me: Edmée what gives you energy when working? My answer is short:
I am passionate about working with Leaders and coaches!

I can truly say that because of my background in applied anthropology, management positions and my studies and work as a professional coach I am equipped to understand and support managers who are taking the steps towards leadership.

My favourite definition of leadership is: “Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen”. Alan Keith of Genentech

I get my motivation and energy from facilitating and sharing the discovery, growth and passion people experience when working together during a training programme or a coaching session.

As coach who believes that coaching is a profession and that coaching quality needs to be constantly kept high I have  committed myself to work in the coming 2 years as Chair for the  ICF 2011/2012 Credentialing & Program Accreditation Committee (CPAC) for the improvement of the ICF certification.

Specialties

Managers are everywhere to be found. Lately I have been working with managers who want to learn how to motivate their staff and how to best translate the management models they learned into useful coaching and motivational tools. Thus taking steps to become effective leaders

I also work with coaches who want to become professional coaches.

I am a mentor coach for people seeking ICF credentials and do assessments as
coaching schools.

I work in Spanish, Dutch, Italian, French and English.

What do divorce, death of a loved one, being fired, a job restructuring, and not getting a project or promotion, have in common?

They each can bring about an intense sense of loss. If not dealt with properly by going through the various stages of the Mourning Process, they each can lead to serious problems with our health, our finances, our personal and work life.

Studies tend to recognize that after the loss of a loved one, or a divorce, there are a series of emotions that must be worked through in order to completely heal or recover and move on.

This also includes the being fired, going through job restructuring, being turned down for a project or promotion, having an accident, contracting a serious illness, ending a relationship (intimate or otherwise), requires the same series of mourning process steps.

Humans have to mourn all losses in order to be whole. The loss can be in love, status, finance, friendship, health, anything. Unfortunately, few people have the tools to mourn and heal. Most don’t realize they have anything to mourn about. Even though society approves of mourning death, few people are taught how. It’s a rare individual that knows the stages. Most people can’t recognize when they are in one of them. Often a person gets stuck in one of the stages and stays there for years, possibly even until they die.

The Stages of the Mourning Process:

- denial

- anger

- bargaining

- depression

- acceptance

The stages, popularly known in its abbreviated form DABDA, include:[2]

Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”

Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”

Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining — “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”

Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”

In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.

This is an exctract of training documentaion for the F-MEX coach programme

Clearing Clutter and Organizing during Spring Cleaning is what keeps people busy during the months of April and May

April has arrived bringing the sun, warmth and flowers!  Studies show that this is the time when people are most impatient and at the same active.  Waiting for the days we can enjoy the garden and a coffee somewhere at a terrace seem to make people wanting to clean, organize and make space.  While writing these lines I just realized that my Monday whisper was about organizing and motivation, mmmmm!

Clearing clutter and organizing can be a daunting activity.  During the month of April I want to share some tips on best ways you can accomplish your spring cleaning and using help from family or colleagues.

The idea is not to give you cleaning tips – hopefully we do this on a regular basis. It’s about clearing and opening our minds and emotions to new things.  Creating space for new emotions, activities and feel lighter is part of the spring cleaning process, so let’s start here.

• Make a list of the things that need to be organized, cleaned and or finished
• Make a list of the goals you want to achieve – personal like a follow a training or increase your client list
• Link the activities with your goals and decide which one needs to be tackled first – the best is to start with the one you like the least and reward yourself with the fun stuff
• Plan the activities with date, duration and what’s in for me. 
• Do not fill your agenda up with too many things as you also have other things to do.

Remember there is a reason why you are doing spring cleaning and keep your motivation up by rewarding yourself with a present or indulgence 

Clearing Clutter and Organizing during Spring Cleaning is what keeps people busy during the months of April and May

April has arrived bringing the sun, warmth and flowers!  Studies show that this is the time when people are most impatient and at the same active.  Waiting for the days we can enjoy the garden and a coffee somewhere at a terrace seem to make people wanting to clean, organize and make space.  While writing these lines I just realized that my Monday whisper was about organizing and motivation, mmmmm!

Clearing clutter and organizing can be a daunting activity.  During the month of April I want to share some tips on best ways you can accomplish your spring cleaning and using help from family or colleagues.

The idea is not to give you cleaning tips – hopefully we do this on a regular basis. It’s about clearing and opening our minds and emotions to new things.  Creating space for new emotions, activities and feel lighter is part of the spring cleaning process, so let’s start here.

·         Make a list of the things that need to be organized, cleaned and or finished

·         Make a list of the goals you want to achieve – personal like a follow a training or increase your client list

·         Link the activities with your goals and decide which one needs to be tackled first – the best is to start with the one you like the least and reward yourself with the fun stuff

·         Plan the activities with date, duration and what’s in for me. 

·         Do not fill your agenda up with too many things as you also have other things to do.

Remember there is a reason why you are doing spring cleaning and keep your motivation up by rewarding yourself with a present or indulgence

How many times a week do you tell yourself: concentrate, think of what you need to do, do it!….

Lately I have asked these questions about 10 times a day. I feel I lack concentration, motivation and direction.  Bad things to be missing!  Especially if you have your own business and feel stuck. The more I tell myself move, do something, get out there, the more I feel de-motivated, stuck and empty.  The harder I push myself the more I push back. End result? Angry, frustrated and lost.

This morning I woke up I re-took my morning yoga (been 6 months since I last did the morning greeting), then I went with the dogs out for my morning walk in the woods. I don’t know if it was the yoga, the beautiful weather or just the tiredness I feel of not achieving what I want but I suddenly remembered that when I feel like this I take a piece of paper and write the things I want to have/achieve  and the things I HAVE to do.  I use a system (from Get clients now!) that helps me get organized and be in purpose. The structure I create for 28 days helps me to feel  organized and know where I want to be at the end of the 28 days. The nice thing is that this system supports me in 2 things:

1.  I have space for failure and  give myself permission to be
2.  At the end of the 28 days I get a gift – something I choose to give myself

I look at my chart every day, a couple of times a day. It helps me to keep track of my thoughts and actions and I feel motivated because I life in purpose. There are many ways you can structure your thoughts, needs and actions.  The important thing is you stop, look at what you are (not) doing, what you want and need and find a way to be focused and motivated. A price at the end of the time you determine will help you.

So start the week by getting your thoughts organized and prioritize your  wants/needs. Write them down or draw them but make sure you see them  at least twice a day. I am sure you will feel focused and motivated.

 Enjoy your week

 Edmée

Trained coaches are familiar with John Whitmore’s coaching model GROW.  I love for a couple of reasons:

• easy to remember and use: when  using the acronym GROW for meetings, coaching sessions, preparing for a training or conversation you will notice how focused you become
• Stay focused and keep emotions in place = GROW will help you prepare for those difficult and emotional conversations being keeping it simple

• GROW is developed to help you see options based on the  reality you are functioning
• Love the meaning of the word GROW
• Helps you to be in the moment and act with intention

here a short list of questions you can use when using GROW .  The questions you can use will depend  on the intention and subject you are preparing for.  When adapting the questions you can use it to prepare a group discussion on ideas, implementation of new activities, training development etc.

Goal
What do you want to achieve?
What would you like to get from the meeting?
Describe your perfect world
What do you want to achieve as a result of this session?
What will make you feel this time has been well spent?

Reality
Where are you now in relation to your goal?
What has contributed to your success so far?
What skills/knowledge/attributes do you have?
What progress have you made so far?
What is working well right now?
What is required of you?

Obstacles  and Options
What is stopping you? What are your options?
How have you tacked this/ a similar situation before?
What could you do differently?
Who do you know who has encountered a similar situation?
Give me 5 options
If anything was possible what would you do?
What would your best friend /mother suggest?
What else?

Wrap up
Which options work best for you?
What one small step are you going to take now?
What actions will you take?
When are you going to start?
Who will help you?
How will you know you have been successful
How will you ensure that you do it?
On a scale of 1 -10 how committed /motivated are you to doing it?

If you have questions drop me an email.

Enjoy using GROW

 Edmée

When was the last time you sat in the garden and gazed at a flower or sat outside in the dark and gazed at the stars? I don’t mean when you last studied the constellations or worked in the garden. The star/flower gazing I’m referring to is the kind that allows you to “feel” the immensity of infinite space. It’s a quieting and, at the same time, invigorating experience. If you haven’t tried it recently, today might be a good day to take a moment and empty yourself.

An empty head is great to boost your creativity.  When your head is empty there is space for new ideas, emotions and opportunities.  Do this a couple of times a week you will feel better, energetic and full of ideas.

Wishing you an empty week.

Edmee

By nature people are scared of change – even when they are expected. The not knowing throws us off-balance and insecurity takes over. All these feelings are natural.  The question is do you welcome change? or you stay stuck in your old ways?

At the moment a lot of things are happening around me. I guess they are all things I “invited” or wanted.  The problem is that they are all happening at the same time. The decisin of a new job  or work to keep my company aNDE?  Work together  in an office and give up my freedom  or keep doing what I am doing now?  Change security  for freedom. Growth for settlement?  well I might not have to settle for anything…. I can keep my freedom, growth and still create security, I just need to be courageous  and open to change.

 Change can be big changes or just  little ones. The important thing is to find the way to welcome them and make them part of your growth and who you are. Change induces creativity and openness; you just need to be receptive to what is happening and make the choices that fit you best.

You can learn to see change as a good thing. Take small steps and see what happens. The big changes will come even if you resist! The trick is to know how to accept and welcome change. It’s in your hands to let change lead you or you lead the changes.  When you learn to lead changes you are the leader of your life!

When you live your life purpose you are incorporating change as part of your life.

Wishing you a week full of healthy choices and changes

Edmee

Did you enjoy  your weekend?  What did you do and did you have fun? What are you plans for this week?

While I was researching about FUN on the internet I was surprised about the results I got from words like: fun, fun and health, effects of fun….  most of them were related to fun effects for photoshop, videos and games. Hardly nothing of the effects of real fun (jokes, relax, time with the family and friends, nature, holidays). Had to go to Wikipedia to get the definition of fun:

Fun is the enjoyment of  pleasure and, according to Johan Huizinga, “an absolutely primary category of life, familiar to everybody at a glance right down to the animal level.”

 FUN enhances our life and it helps to keep us  healthy. Is it not strange then  when you read about studies that show that now-a-days we have 62% less fun that our grandparents. The strange thing is that many of our grandparents survived the WWII, hunger and the big depression. On the other hand we have more things,  have at least one big holiday a year. At the same time we are constantly on the go and take little time to enjoy the good moment as we are looking ahead rather than the now.

To have fun and enjoy the moment is really very simple and it only takes a couple of minutes a day. The return of investment for those minutes is huge:

• less stress
• see your loved ones for who they are
• release tension at work or school
• less toxics and adrenaline
• clear you head and restore your spirit
• give and receive more love and appreciation
• feel motivated
• happy

The only thing you need to do is take some moments to enjoy your surroundings and people. Stop and listen to a joke, a story, smell a flower or listen to the birds. Stop a second longer to enjoy that morning kiss and goodbye. Cook together with your partner of children, take a detour on your way home….

Live with intention and add fun to your life and the life’s of your family and friends!

A great way to help you clear your mind, have better concentration and manage stress is meditation. The web is full of tips, information and online guided meditation.  You will see that there are many ways  to meditate I will give you some info but this info is more for the beginners.

When you are starting with meditation the best way is to use guided meditation. A recording that will guide you on your meditation. I teach my clients 4 kinds of meditation so they can  choose the one that fits the best to them.

Make sure you have about 20 minutes, find a still room and try to mediate at the same time. Try to mediate at least 2 a week. Everyday is of course the best!

Meditation using breathing:  learning how to concentrate on your meditation through breathing

Mantra meditation: is the repeating of words in a rhythm

meditation through visualization: using images, sounds and smells

Meditation using music: Using music to get in a state of rest and stillness